Why Self-Awareness Leads to Overthinking (And Feels Like Pressure)

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Being self-aware is both a boon and a bane. It neither holds me back nor helps me grow faster. The more I know myself, the more my brain thinks. The self-aware spider makes a web of thoughts within the mind. Messy thoughts didn't just affect my words, they exhausted my energy, leaving me blank. Constantly thinking about improvement has become my pattern. Doing it continuously exposes my flaws and mistakes. And knowing the pattern makes it harder to ignore them. Whenever I think, my brain struggles between thoughts of flaws and improvement. Mental noise replaces clarity in this conflict. While writing blogs, clarity plays a significant role in giving words to the voice. But sometimes I fumble while writing words for my thoughts and learnings. I begin analysing in between more than expressing. I constantly look after the thoughts I write, ensuring they define my emotions and thoughts completely. Clarity struggles and turns into constant questioning. I remember a specific...

What writing is teaching me about why I resist myself?

The sound of every second of the clock haunted me every single time I tried starting. But when I avoided it once, the tables got turned. Starting what you love the most isn't easy; a lot of courage is required. I took a step forward thinking of a stair but wasn't aware it's actually an escalator. My writing journey has been that escalator, taking me forward consistently with some effort.

Hesitation is the biggest enemy I have, and I am trying to take it down every single day. I wasn't even much prepared to write a blog on the very first day. I wasn’t backing myself; I was just hiding behind excuses. Finally, when I hit on it, words started to come out of me.
I have lately realised writing is the easiest difficult task anyone prefers. Initially, I feared a lot every day starting my blog, thinking just to step back and look for comfort again. Now, I understand that starting to express was never the problem; discomfort was the root cause of why I was resisting myself.

Apart from facing discomfort, I struggled to give a voice to myself. Taking the first step in the direction of finding a voice feels much more complicated than exciting. But when a thought sparked, creativity started shaping my experiences and learnings into tales.

Whenever I remember my first day writing a blog, I don't forget to mention one of my biggest friends, overthinking. It has always given its best to help me delay every single time. I mentioned in my first blog how a question to my brain about any skill got me an instant response of writing. It was a response, not a reaction. Ability was never the problem; thinking too much was.

Now every day I write myself out loud, I explore myself more than before. It's just all about the small initiative I took and didn't stop myself from giving words to my voice. Writing shows me that clarity comes from starting, not before.

The moment I started, resistance started fading.

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