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What Is a Dream? The Thoughts I Avoided Writing About for Months

"No. Avoid it." Or "let's see it later on" saying this doesn't work. Sometimes knowingly avoiding some notions doesn't feel good. Some notions that I didn't write about. Some experiences I didn't share ever in the blog. Not because notions were incomplete or was flawed. But because I never felt them to share in my blogs. Yesterday writing about uncertainties, I remembered few of those notions. Notions which didn't get the voice. They didn't get the words to be expressed. Memory goes back to the day I started this all, acknowledging mistakes, writing willingly to rectify those flaws. Questions weren't limited with multiple thoughts. Above all the question, there was the one which motivates me do show up every day. A question, what's the dream? Thinking Dream is a story I kept all those notion aside and wrote that day's blog. Now months later, I decided to write those notions. Question remained the same but the answe...
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The Uncertainty I Can't Escape - And Why I've Stopped Trying To

No title, no story - just a few words and the mistakes I learn from. That's the whole idea I had been following from day one. Did I need to change something? Am I being comfortable with this idea? These questions had been in my mind for the last few days. Thinking what to write, I had been neglecting them for three to four days. I wasn't sure why I was doubting myself over it. Thinking about this again and again, experiencing different uncertainties, mistakes; I am sure enough it doesn't demand change. Every day is uncertain enough to write about. Every day I wake up thinking, today's blog would be great, flawlessly written. However, I end up doing a mistake. I didn't do it deliberately, but it's been done. Done in a way I wasn't even aware of. Mostly the grammatical errors. Even while writing a blog every day, I'm uncertain what I'll write the next minute. I'm uncertain about my thoughts, but not about my learnings. I try to put into...

I Broke My Own Rule - and Finally Understood Myself

Not again this time. Not one time. Not two times. But three times, I had erased. Whatever I thought wasn't right, I didn't fully understand why. For the last few hours, there hasn't been a single notion I could think of. Or whatever I wrote turned out to be either incomplete or flawed. Without thinking further, I decided to go back to whatever I'd erased earlier. Saying it calmly, I started writing my blog. Writing a blog for the first day was the most difficult part to me. It wasn't about assembling two or three words and that's it. It's about the story that defines me, the experience that's lived, the mistakes I acknowledge, the improvements I learn from. A blog doesn't only carry words but emotions too. While waiting for better notions, I had been too rigid. Rigid with notions to improve. Rigid with mistakes to acknowledge and work on. I used to follow a rule to write my blog. But then came the day I broke my rule - the rule to write w...

I Broke My Own Rules to Write - Here's What Pressure Taught Me About Consistency

I couldn't. I couldn't anymore. Every day is a new challenge, every time a mistake awaits. I said it out loud, then sat down and thought about quitting everything. Changes that were visible got wiped out from memories. All I knew was nothing works in my favour. Whenever I try to plan my day to write without a flaw, with certain learnings, I couldn't complete it. Why? I didn't know. Or it could be said, something that I didn't want to acknowledge anymore. Being in pressure isn't an easy thing to accept. Being controlled by my own thoughts wasn't what writing taught me. It taught me to control every emotion, every notion. Discipline had been a key to growth for a long time. It's all about what we can control. On the contrary, pressure is something that messes with both control and commitment. Not a few days ago, not a few weeks; but a few months back, I experienced what pressure could mess up. I was very excited to write my notions out at a cer...

I Was My Own Biggest Obstacle - Here's How I Beat It

Every day.  Every second.  A single thought. Only I could. I never thought I'd be turning notions and mistakes into words for my learnings. But that was the only way I saw to work upon myself. It was the only way I got to be better with every passing day. A few days into this journey made me realise the significance of effort and discipline. But today I wouldn't be writing about them. I've written different blogs about taking initiative, small or big - it didn't matter. But I never wrote about who was resisting me every time I showed up. I figured it out when I tried observing myself experiencing mistakes and learnings. It was me. I was confused when I noticed it. Not a few months, not a few weeks - only a day. A day when I started writing blogs was enough. But it wasn't just for a day. It's every time. I resist myself before trying anything new. I resist leaving my comfort zone. Every single time I make up my mind to start whatever learning I recall...

How I Beat Writer's Block Without Skipping a Single Day

Wrote. Erased. Wrote again. Erased again. I couldn't understand what was happening or why. Whenever I managed to write the title, the intro didn't come out right. And whenever the intro felt right, the title stayed unfinished. I went through this same cycle of writing and erasing for almost three hours. In the end, I had nothing written, but I stayed calm within the chaos of my thoughts. After three hours, I thought, let's skip today. One day wouldn't cost much. With that thought, I was about to give up on the day's effort. But I wasn't sure if I should skip or not. Everything I'd learned about effort and consistency came flooding back. Flashbacks of the times I'd faced the same kind of uncertainty and hadn't quit. I hadn't given up on my will then. I hadn't given up on turning my thoughts into words then. Each time, I tried to view my uncertainty from a different perspective. The first time, I realized patience mattered - that I ...

I Wrote Every Day for Months. Here's What Was Still Missing.

Even with no thoughts, I tried writing. Even with thoughts, I still showed up. The day I started writing up for me getting better, I tried my best efforts. However, not every day was mine - some days I felt disconnected from my thoughts, other days they felt disconnected from me. But, all I did was just writing each and every notion, experience, learning, mistake within my blog. When things get boring, I realise my efforts aren't going to waste. Every day, I psych myself up to show up in a blog. But is blog writing enough to get better? The question a few days back made me think about myself for hours. Definitely fixing errors, avoiding flaws would make my writing better, but is that enough on its own? Some random thoughts and that's it. Complete thoughts remained silent, incomplete notions got calm. But I got trapped in a swirl of random thoughts. Trapped by my own choice to understand more of myself. The doubt never arose earlier. For the first time it popped up a...