Why Self-Awareness Leads to Overthinking (And Feels Like Pressure)

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Being self-aware is both a boon and a bane. It neither holds me back nor helps me grow faster. The more I know myself, the more my brain thinks. The self-aware spider makes a web of thoughts within the mind. Messy thoughts didn't just affect my words, they exhausted my energy, leaving me blank.

Constantly thinking about improvement has become my pattern. Doing it continuously exposes my flaws and mistakes. And knowing the pattern makes it harder to ignore them. Whenever I think, my brain struggles between thoughts of flaws and improvement. Mental noise replaces clarity in this conflict.

While writing blogs, clarity plays a significant role in giving words to the voice. But sometimes I fumble while writing words for my thoughts and learnings. I begin analysing in between more than expressing. I constantly look after the thoughts I write, ensuring they define my emotions and thoughts completely. Clarity struggles and turns into constant questioning.

I remember a specific small moment where self-awareness almost broke my streak. I was writing a blog as usual, sharing my experiences and learnings of the journey. Somehow, thoughts and creativity were on different paths, chasing the same experience of the journey. I rewrote that blog exactly four times after erasing it all again and again.

I got frustrated erasing and rewriting it for the second time. I almost quit that time, but the belief to improve didn't allow me. However, I ended up writing that blog with one of the most valuable lessons of this ongoing journey. Self-awareness feels good within limits; more of it ruins every emotion.

Small mistakes which seem to be bigger only need calmness to fix them at once. Overthinking could have ended my streak of showing up and improving that day.

I know what to improve but don't act instantly with calmness upon it. Despite acting, I start holding myself accountable without excuses, pressuring myself to improve with more and more thinking.

Too much awareness turns growth into pressure. What I know now, I can't unknow. Calmness helps me respond instead of reacting to what I know.

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