Why Self-Awareness Leads to Overthinking (And Feels Like Pressure)

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Being self-aware is both a boon and a bane. It neither holds me back nor helps me grow faster. The more I know myself, the more my brain thinks. The self-aware spider makes a web of thoughts within the mind. Messy thoughts didn't just affect my words, they exhausted my energy, leaving me blank. Constantly thinking about improvement has become my pattern. Doing it continuously exposes my flaws and mistakes. And knowing the pattern makes it harder to ignore them. Whenever I think, my brain struggles between thoughts of flaws and improvement. Mental noise replaces clarity in this conflict. While writing blogs, clarity plays a significant role in giving words to the voice. But sometimes I fumble while writing words for my thoughts and learnings. I begin analysing in between more than expressing. I constantly look after the thoughts I write, ensuring they define my emotions and thoughts completely. Clarity struggles and turns into constant questioning. I remember a specific...
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The Pressure of Becoming My Better Self: Why Does Self-Improvement Feel So Overwhelming?

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Pressure exists; however, I didn't want it to accompany me every single time. I want hunger to grow, but with satisfaction. I observed minor improvements, but the feeling of not being enough constantly criticizes that within me. But these things evolve on my journey of expressing myself without any hesitation and fear of judgment.

The difference between my current self and ideal version has been the greatest motivation to show up daily. However, the brain, being honest, helps me explore myself to be that better version I had been aiming for. When motivation fades, pressure takes over and starts forcing the brain to become the ideal version fast.


Self-improvement turns into self-pressure. I had experienced some days when my brain forced thoughts to come out. I remember a few days back, while writing my blog, I was blank with my thoughts. I was willing to express, but none of the learnings were knocking on the brain's door to be expressed.

Although I did complete my blog, it was only when I understood what mistakes I was making. Every story needs time to be completed; the same is true with viewpoints and experiences. I gave myself some time to think about it, and I found the topic of that day's blog—creative exhaustion. I wrote what I felt. From that, I learned the difference between need and abundance of pressure.

Writing helped me expose the root cause of the self-pressure I experienced on the journey. It was all about the fear of slowing down or going backward. I myself didn't want to go back to day one I had come from after covering a journey of almost a hundred days. Hesitation to identity has been a journey of calmness; going back to hesitation creates pressure to evolve fast.

Fear of going backward is somehow necessary to grow. Constantly showing up has been somewhat effective till now to control fear and avoid mess. Calmness is a much better option than force, but I need both to coordinate my growth. Whenever I forced myself to grow, it felt much more distant.

I have accepted that being better is a process, not a deadline. The journey has taught me that growth should feel free, not forcible.

Share your valuable insights in the comments.

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