Why Self-Awareness Leads to Overthinking (And Feels Like Pressure)

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Being self-aware is both a boon and a bane. It neither holds me back nor helps me grow faster. The more I know myself, the more my brain thinks. The self-aware spider makes a web of thoughts within the mind. Messy thoughts didn't just affect my words, they exhausted my energy, leaving me blank. Constantly thinking about improvement has become my pattern. Doing it continuously exposes my flaws and mistakes. And knowing the pattern makes it harder to ignore them. Whenever I think, my brain struggles between thoughts of flaws and improvement. Mental noise replaces clarity in this conflict. While writing blogs, clarity plays a significant role in giving words to the voice. But sometimes I fumble while writing words for my thoughts and learnings. I begin analysing in between more than expressing. I constantly look after the thoughts I write, ensuring they define my emotions and thoughts completely. Clarity struggles and turns into constant questioning. I remember a specific...
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From Focus to Chaos: When Your Mind Becomes Your Biggest Distraction

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Never expected that my best friend would become my biggest foe in this writing journey - my mind. From one hand, it had given me creativity, and from the other hand, distractions. Experiencing distraction had been a great experience to learn and improve myself. I wasn't prepared for the planned hindrances, but facing them had made me prepared for unexpected ones.

I always wrote overthinking as one of my biggest problems before writing blogs. But I didn't expect it to follow me on this journey of expressing and improving. Sometimes, overthinking had joined the intellect group of curiosity and creativity on its own. I got lost in the web of thoughts knitted by me only, thinking of one wrong perspective before.

I remember a day of expressing something which I experienced unexpectedly. I was writing about uncertainties I had faced. While writing my blog, the device got shut on its own, and I didn't even save it. My hours of effort were drowned within a few seconds. Thinking about what happened and how I was going to start from the same thought I had been writing started revolving in my mind.

Time was passing with its pace, and so was my patience. I wasted almost two to three hours thinking about how to start again. Overthinking played with my focus, and thoughts pulled me away from action. However, after a few more hours, I wrote and published my blog, maintaining the streak.

A day with many thoughts is a distraction, and a day without a thought is also a distraction - I had felt that blankness of thoughts. Once, when I was giving words to my voice, I felt the exhaustion within me. I wasn't even aware of my choice of words. It disturbed me for a few hours. However, I completed my blog, taking more time than usual.

External distractions didn't affect much, but the internal noise made me struggle every single day in starting. Writing unlocked the potential to imagine; different stories with different learnings trapped me in mental clutter. Choosing my own voice from others was easy, but specifying the better one from all of mine felt heavy.

Controlling is a must, not for thoughts but for attention. Days with distractions are taking me closer to controlling my attention.

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