I Wrote Every Day for Months. Here's What Was Still Missing.

Even with no thoughts, I tried writing. Even with thoughts, I still showed up. The day I started writing up for me getting better, I tried my best efforts. However, not every day was mine - some days I felt disconnected from my thoughts, other days they felt disconnected from me. But, all I did was just writing each and every notion, experience, learning, mistake within my blog. When things get boring, I realise my efforts aren't going to waste.

Every day, I psych myself up to show up in a blog. But is blog writing enough to get better? The question a few days back made me think about myself for hours. Definitely fixing errors, avoiding flaws would make my writing better, but is that enough on its own?

Some random thoughts and that's it. Complete thoughts remained silent, incomplete notions got calm. But I got trapped in a swirl of random thoughts. Trapped by my own choice to understand more of myself. The doubt never arose earlier. For the first time it popped up and got me caught in a web of thoughts again.

Within the chaos of notions, I tried figuring out mistakes, improvements and all.

I realised one significant aspect which I missed earlier. The random thought wasn't just about improvements. But about whether I was actually reflecting the improvements I claimed to be making. If not, then there's no point in putting in all that effort to get better.

The random notion made me realise, whatever the learnings are, they don't truly belong to you until you start living by them.

Fearing to step ahead was just a myth I used to stop myself, hiding behind the lie of perfection. The day hesitation left, the myth broke, the lie got exposed. The days are getting more boring, whether it's blankness, redefining, or something else. But my learnings and I are getting better every day for sure.

Writing doesn't need to justify whether it makes me better or not - it's for the stories that need words to live.

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