The First Ever Question That Rooted the Change in Me: Skill or Not?

"Do I have any skill?" The first question which made me uncomfortable with myself. Before, days were going well. Laziness was peaking, I wasn't true to myself. The day I asked the question about skill, thousands of more doubts joined the question. Whether it was about hesitation, wording out thoughts, or judgment. For the first few days, I ignored all doubts and questions. Then, one day I thought the question was true. Around this competitive world, skills should exist.

Do I have one? No, or maybe I hadn't found it out.

A "no" or "maybe" freaked me out. It made me rethink my previous decisions. It made my previous time questionable to me. Was laziness and comfort creating the mess? Questions within questions were confusing me even more.

Stopped thinking much. Shut all questions and doubts, inside and out. A few hours of silence forced me to think for myself, for skills, for being better every day. I thought, let's start doing something which could reflect me back. I already had an idea about writing as a mirror, I had read it somewhere.

Decided, let's write myself out and see my actual self. The first day was about hesitation, the second day overthinking, the third day judgment, the fourth day starting small, and so on, I started voicing my thoughts. A few mistakes I found, a few writing experiences helped me acknowledge them. With the combined efforts of words and myself, I started leaving comfort, laziness, fear of judgment, and hesitation day by day.

Each and every moment of this writing journey is a learning. Learning to show up. Learning to face fear. Learning to be courageous. Learning to be confident enough to voice out myself. Not only learnings, but writing also helped me find myself. Me without any filter of fear. Me with thoughts to improve.

With time, I forgot the question of skill and started building the answer. I don't have the answer right now, but I know I am trying to build it.

The idea of writing as a mirror felt true when I experienced it myself. Write yourself down to find your true self.

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