The Chaos Before the Clarity: A Writer's Breaking Point

I couldn't. I couldn't write anymore. If nothing is working, then why should I be writing? If I am not improving much, then why should I be writing? Saying these words, I was in a mood to give up. Give up on my dream to be a writer. I had only been writing blogs for a few weeks. I wasn't aware of anything I'd learned in those few weeks. I wasn't sure anything had changed.

To keep writing, I used to motivate myself - yes, my mistakes were improving. But not now anymore. A month passed, and I was ready to quit writing blogs. A thought was constantly on loop within my mind, 'Being patient for a month rewarded nothing.'

Before giving up, I thought, let's be patient enough and think with calmness again. A self-talk, me v/s me, was going on. Random thoughts were popping up. I was confused at that point.

Again and again, I was thinking, if I were going wrong, writing wouldn't feel this difficult. If mistakes weren't improving, I wouldn't be looking for my flaws continuously.

But I was also resisting myself. Facing challenges isn't easy; random blankness doesn't feel good. Even random incomplete notions don't fit well in the blog.

Time passed as I talked with myself. After a few more minutes, I realised continuity of writing was about to break. It was time to write my blog. Saying that, I started writing my blog. I did write about the blankness I felt a few days back. After completing it, I did realise something I'd call extraordinary.

In between all the chaos, I was ready to write the blog. So clearly, writing wasn't the reason to give up. It was the response which I was seeking.

I recalled my first blog and its motivation: whatever happens, I would improve. I would start giving all my effort and would see what happens. Remembering these words, I realised I started writing to be myself. I started it to become better with every passing day. And so, I gave up on the idea of giving up on writing blogs.

Calmness is possibly the best friend anyone could have. It helps us listen to ourselves peacefully. No more chaos. Just effort prevails.

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