The Hidden Cost of Being Too Self-Aware

I didn't live in the moment anymore. Every time I tried to observe everything, it delayed me from feeling the emotions of the moment. The excitement of learning something new didn't show up the way it used to before. Some moments passed while I was still trying to understand what I was feeling. Before knowing exactly what the thoughts were, I had already tried noticing them instantly.

Sharing what I had been learning on the journey, I tried to voice out my thoughts with every emotion I experienced. A few moments still carried a lot within themselves. Within the chaos of thoughts, they got overshadowed. Awareness delayed natural reactions. Feelings became thoughts too quickly.

A little while back, while reading a few of my old blogs, I noticed something I had missed before. I mentioned my flaws and mistakes but didn't feel the confusion at the time they were being made. While experiencing silence on the journey, I reacted quickly. I tried understanding every bit of my quietness. Understanding became a habit faster than feeling.

A few days later, I found myself incomplete without those instant thoughts. It didn't make me blank, but it redefined my thoughts, views, and growth. However, if I had felt them without trying too hard to observe them, I could have ended up writing without so many flaws and incomplete thoughts. Presence started competing with observation.

I became a spectator of the moments instead of being part of them. A bit of time without thoughts results in the best possible experiences to be shared. Reflection sometimes comes too early, before the emotions settle. Without many boundaries, early reflection interrupts the completion of thoughts.

I am mentally present while experiencing some wonderful moments, but I get emotionally delayed. The mind keeps working when it demands silence the most. Even though my silence gets interrupted, I try being patient enough to live every small moment fully.

Not every moment needed interruption; however, I searched for it anyway. Awareness made everything understandable, but not everything feelable.

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