Why Self-Awareness Leads to Overthinking (And Feels Like Pressure)

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Being self-aware is both a boon and a bane. It neither holds me back nor helps me grow faster. The more I know myself, the more my brain thinks. The self-aware spider makes a web of thoughts within the mind. Messy thoughts didn't just affect my words, they exhausted my energy, leaving me blank. Constantly thinking about improvement has become my pattern. Doing it continuously exposes my flaws and mistakes. And knowing the pattern makes it harder to ignore them. Whenever I think, my brain struggles between thoughts of flaws and improvement. Mental noise replaces clarity in this conflict. While writing blogs, clarity plays a significant role in giving words to the voice. But sometimes I fumble while writing words for my thoughts and learnings. I begin analysing in between more than expressing. I constantly look after the thoughts I write, ensuring they define my emotions and thoughts completely. Clarity struggles and turns into constant questioning. I remember a specific...
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Why You Feel Like You’re Not Doing Enough (Even When You Are)

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“Enough” keeps changing- and I never notice when it does. A feeling which I feel every single day while showing up consistently. There is a lot more to express through words, a lot of emotions left unmentioned. Happiness becomes noise when these thoughts disturb. However, they encourage me to write beyond my creativity. Truly, writing reflects what I have within, making me more self-aware every passing day.

Doing enough still feels like falling short. Enough doesn't have a definition but carries explanation. Explanations of our capacity of thinking, curiosity, creativity, and opinions. But every single time after completing a blog, I feel it's not ample; despite being better than yesterday, I feel I could have done much better. It has become a default thought now. It makes me feel guilty but encourages me to enhance next time.

Satisfaction of doing better feels unsatisfying every day. Now efforts seem more visible and exciting than satisfaction. What I have been doing for so many days doesn't feel enough for being better. Expectations rose with improvement. The mind keeps shifting the line of enough and improvement.

This journey has been a book of learning, but it doesn't have a last lesson. Reading every page every day doesn't feel enough. More to read always remains a question. Every new experience and learning encourages me to expect more and more with passing days.

For the very first time, I felt “not enough” almost after four weeks. That day, I wrote my blog two to three times, improving it word by word. However, I completed writing and publishing a blog. That small moment gave me a different perspective, prioritizing expectations with minute improvements.

I gained a belief to give words to my voice through writing. A question of “not sufficient” somehow tests it every day, but the courage to be consistent, fulfilling expectations, gives strength to the belief at the end of the day.

I try to match my today's efforts with my tomorrow's expectations. A gap doesn't only show my flaws but my growth too. But even a win feels like a partial success.

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