Why Self-Awareness Leads to Overthinking (And Feels Like Pressure)

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Being self-aware is both a boon and a bane. It neither holds me back nor helps me grow faster. The more I know myself, the more my brain thinks. The self-aware spider makes a web of thoughts within the mind. Messy thoughts didn't just affect my words, they exhausted my energy, leaving me blank. Constantly thinking about improvement has become my pattern. Doing it continuously exposes my flaws and mistakes. And knowing the pattern makes it harder to ignore them. Whenever I think, my brain struggles between thoughts of flaws and improvement. Mental noise replaces clarity in this conflict. While writing blogs, clarity plays a significant role in giving words to the voice. But sometimes I fumble while writing words for my thoughts and learnings. I begin analysing in between more than expressing. I constantly look after the thoughts I write, ensuring they define my emotions and thoughts completely. Clarity struggles and turns into constant questioning. I remember a specific...

What Writing is teaching me about the stories I tell myself?

I don’t just live my life; I constantly create stories about it. A tale mixed with emotions, experiences, narratives, learnings, and whatnot. I have been writing for some days but understood the significance of stories a few days back.

While writing blogs, each day is a storyline of my learnings, and with time they are strengthening. But it's not like everything I think is true. Even something that feels true can still be a misleading story.
I remember when I was writing a blog on the topic of overthinking. Many narratives accumulated within my brain, which I started writing. But when I wrote every one of them, I found myself wrong. I mistakenly wrote my thinking as overthinking.

My thoughts felt convincing; until writing exposed them. I was able to catch my lie covered with some fake narratives. Two stories could look alike, but their experiences and plots couldn't be identical. And it could only be felt through the art of expression, which I am trying to do consistently.

Initially, I lacked expressing myself out loudly through blogs. Some of the narratives limited me from thinking beyond them. Hesitation was one of the imaginary stories which I am deleting to grow. Trusting the process has been key to expressing regularly without any doubt.

My blog writing has been a story of creative emotions. It couldn't be felt instantly but over time. An experience from a mistake today is always a plot for my new blog. And it changes with time, as writing allows questions to be asked in every detail to get a new tale out of the old one. For me, questions tell why tales exist.

The stories I tell myself shape my reality; but writing helps me question if they’re even true.

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