Why Self-Awareness Leads to Overthinking (And Feels Like Pressure)

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Being self-aware is both a boon and a bane. It neither holds me back nor helps me grow faster. The more I know myself, the more my brain thinks. The self-aware spider makes a web of thoughts within the mind. Messy thoughts didn't just affect my words, they exhausted my energy, leaving me blank. Constantly thinking about improvement has become my pattern. Doing it continuously exposes my flaws and mistakes. And knowing the pattern makes it harder to ignore them. Whenever I think, my brain struggles between thoughts of flaws and improvement. Mental noise replaces clarity in this conflict. While writing blogs, clarity plays a significant role in giving words to the voice. But sometimes I fumble while writing words for my thoughts and learnings. I begin analysing in between more than expressing. I constantly look after the thoughts I write, ensuring they define my emotions and thoughts completely. Clarity struggles and turns into constant questioning. I remember a specific...

What Writing is teaching me about the gap between thinking and writing?

Thinking feels effortless. Writing proves it isn’t. I can’t match the speed of my thoughts, but writing slows them down. But when one remains fast, it creates a wide gap with writing.

I think much more about my experiences, learnings, opinions, perspectives, and stories, but when I don't write them, a gap within me appears. A space between my thoughts and expressions forces me to make mistakes. To avoid those mistakes, I write down all my thoughts and try to bridge the gap.
Whenever I feel something amazing while writing a blog or searching for my flaws in my former blogs, I do write my experience now. Before, I used to avoid them and think about them the other day. The other day's expression didn't pull out the exact emotions felt at that time, which widened the gap.

Everything feels easy before doing, as I mentioned in previous blogs about my experience with it. The skill which I thought was easy before is complicated in reality, i.e., writing. I realised it on the very first day when this journey of expressing without hesitation started.

I was thinking what to write, how to write. I wrote many complex, unstructured thoughts. But when they were expressed, I felt like a thread got unwound. Writing them down exposed confusion which thinking was hiding from me.

The incident gave me my first teaching in writing blogs. I learned about the gap between imaginary thoughts and real understanding. The day imagination takes over reality, thinking and expressing start to contrast more and more. The more I write every thought I think, the narrower the gap becomes.

Writing is where thinking finally becomes clear.

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